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Are we Asking the Wrong Questions?

Updated: 4 days ago

Navigating choice with the power of closed-ended questions.


I work with kids in a preschool and one of the skills we're taught to engage children's learning is asking open-ended questions. This looks like, "What was something interesting you learned today?" or "If you could create your own magical world, what would it be like?" For a lot of people, these questions immediately stir their imaginations, and answers of all sorts fly from their minds out of their mouths.


However, for people on the autism spectrum, these open-ended questions can be miserable. Why?


  • Difficulty with Ambiguity: Open-ended questions often lack clear boundaries, which can make it hard to know how much detail or context to provide. Autistic individuals may prefer specific, structured prompts.

  • Cognitive Processing Demands: Formulating a detailed response requires organizing thoughts, recalling relevant information, and deciding what to share, which can be overwhelming, especially under pressure or in social settings.

  • Social Communication Differences: Understanding the intent behind an open-ended question can be difficult. For example, they might struggle to infer whether the questioner wants facts, feelings, or imaginative responses.

  • Executive Functioning Challenges: Generating a response to an open-ended question requires planning and sequencing ideas, which may be harder for those with executive functioning difficulties.


Supporting Executive Functioning Challenges -

My teenager's go-to response to open-ended questions is, "I don't care." I dismissed this as teenage energy for months before I saw a video about executive dysfunction and a lightbulb went on for me. Maybe she did care, but with all that she had to decide all day at school, and having mild ASD, she just needed a closed-ended option instead.


The frustration of hearing, "I don't care," and "I don't know, you pick," was swept away shockingly fast when I adopted a closed-ended approach, and I have worked to mingle more closed-ended sentences in all of our conversations since. Instead of asking, "Do you want a snack?" I go straight for, "Would you like pretzels or apples?" I'm still offering choices, but simplifying the question removes some of the cognitive demand that makes caring such a chore.


To prevent her from consistently avoiding the burden of making choices when I'm not around to frame them well, I am helping her learn how to simplify decisions on her own. (Just as an aside, I am so grateful I have recognized the need to teach this skill instead of continuing to believe she was a depressed and careless teen.) Anywho, at restaurants, she used to ask me to order for her, and I thought she simply didn't care what she ate. However, once I recognized it as choice paralysis, I saw it as an ideal opportunity to begin teaching her how to handle decision-making. Here's some tips:


  • Create a simple mantra - 'Choice is opportunity. I can always make a change.' Or something like that. One of the biggest hurdles of decision-making is coping with uncertainty. What if this is the wrong choice? What if I'm judged for this choice? Worry taints our sense of opportunity and can make not choosing a safer bet.

  • Narrow it down - You may have to use your mantra here, but randomly or intentionally narrow down your choices. When at the restaurant looking at the menu I'll say, "Cover breakfast options", or "Only look at sandwiches." Does this remove some good options? Yes, but having a smaller pool for selection makes every choice easier, and honestly, more satisfying.

  • Make a choice and quit looking - Once a decision has been made walk away from the selections. It is tempting to reconsider, but don't! Over time, as making choices begins to become easier and these tools become engrained, there will be more room for flexibility. But initially when overcoming decision paralysis or executive dysfunction, keep things simple and build decision-making confidence.


Supporting Cognitive Demand and Difficulty with Ambiguity -

My younger daughter has much more pronounced ASD symptoms and oppositional tendencies. Closed-ended sentences are the only option for her. If you were to ask her an open-ended question, you would not receive an answer, or you would get a scripted response that wouldn't necessarily fit the conversation. The cognitive demands she experiences managing her sensory load and social challenges create too much strain for contemplation. In addition, she has a developmental delay that impacts her comprehension. Because of this, I prioritize closed-ended choice-based questioning.


Supporting Transitions -

Closed-ended questions are also wonderful for easing transitions. Instead of asking, "Are you ready to go!" I'll say, "Do you want to run to the door or crawl to the door?" This creates an either/or scenario with certainty and choice built in. For people with ASD, closed-ended sentences are a great tool for managing the overwhelming world of constant choice, stimulation, and transitions while allowing them some autonomy and removing ambiguity.


Final Thoughts -

I think we can all relate to choice paralysis, whether we are neurodivergent or not. Looking at the jelly aisle and its 47 jam choices I go with strawberry every time to avoid the overwhelm of choice. So although open-ended questions can create engaging conversations and plenty of room for learning, they aren't a magic wand of opportunity. Finding the right questions to ask is key, and if you find yourself or your loved ones avoiding choice or just not caring, consider how closing off some choices might make the right choice stand out.


Choices, choices, choices
Choices, choices, choices
 

Disclaimer:

The information provided in this blog post is for general informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, therapist, or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or the care of a child with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). The views expressed in this post are based on personal experiences and research and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or policies of any medical or professional organization. Reliance on any information provided in this blog is solely at your own risk.



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