Riding the waves of anticipation and loss as your little one grows up.
I rarely see my thirteen-year-old anymore. I mean, she just asked for something to drink, and maybe she'll come for our evening walk to play Pokémon, but there's distance. I love her pre-teen soul. I think her humor and her insights are fantastic. She's someone I enjoy having around, someone who makes what we're doing more fun. I have a feeling we'll be good friends when she's grown.
Sadly though, we don't drift from activity to activity together like when she was just a few years younger. When I ask if she'd like to join me to run around town or have some time at home alone, she often chooses to stay home. She's growing into her own space, which is how it should be. My daughter has her own experiences that I don't oversee anymore, and activities that I don't participate in. Her friendships are not curated and her to-do list is of her own making these days.
They all, the older parents, said it would go fast. I'd smile and say something like, "Yes, eighteen years isn't much!" But the reality is, it's more like ten to twelve years. By twelve, they have sports, real homework, and cellular access to friends. This means that we are around each other, but time together is less often about relaxed moments of connection and more about managing all the things.
There is a gentle mourning that goes on throughout parenthood. Each new age and stage is a bittersweet process of learning, loss, and happy anticipation. Sometimes the ache is strong, like a hole in my heart. Other times I feel bittersweet elation that I get front-row seats to her changes and growth.
My daughter's childhood is easily the most meaningful thing I've experienced. The hard nights feel like a badge of honor I carry in my heart, and although many moments blur together, the aura it left behind is what fills my soul with purpose. I would not trade the meaning I've received, to avoid the sense of loss that is inevitable, when I'm reminded of her as the infant she'll never be again. Those years were intense, overflowing with novelty and immeasurable emotions, and it can feel like I didn't soak it in enough, or I'd like to relive it for just one moment, but I am still grateful to have experienced it at all.
That hole in my heart from the loss of who she was, always heals with time. The mending seems sped up by new occasions to see the beauty in her current age. I'll forever cherish and truly miss her at every stage, but it is incredible to see the person she is becoming. I am proud, and like I said, I've got a best friend in the making.
What I've figured out, after all these years of flux, is that keeping our activities novel helps ease the transitions. If we don't get stuck in a rut of activity, we grow together and the changes don't take me by surprise because I'm paying more attention. Pinterest has been priceless to keep things fresh. Some of my favorite ways to keep the connection:
Family dinner time. I'm not strict about removing devices from the table. In fact, I use them to gauge how engaging I am. If she's reaching for her phone it means I'm not asking the right questions to keep her attention.
Cooking together. Nobody taught me how to cook and it shows. I do not want the same struggle for her, so she's invited into the kitchen nightly to help and jazz things up with her take on meal prep.
Game night. We gave up on board games last year. They just weren't exciting enough, so we focus on the Nintendo. Our favorite choice is Kirby-Star Allies. The chaos and laughter of our group effort is always fun.
Tuning into what she's watching. I don't love Minecraft YouTubers, but oh man does she. So, I suck it up and sit down to giggle at the nonsense and her joy at sharing her interests with me.
Camping. Getting outdoors without the usual routines and tech is guaranteed to shake things up and give us all new ways to hang out distraction-free. This one is my absolute favorite.
To see what other kinds of activities we do to keep us active together and making new memories, pop over to my Pinterest and see what I've saved!
And if you and your teen are struggling right now, I have to recommend the book, Untangled, written by Lisa Damour. I have read it several times. Dr. Damour explains many of the changes we see in our girls through adolescence and provides practical advice to cope and know when to worry. I highly recommend this read to all parents.
This post contains affiliate links. If you click on these links and make a purchase, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for supporting my work!
Comentarios